Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
