we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
