i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Enjoy the penises
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
