Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
