Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
