My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I have aggressive nipples.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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