Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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