On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
