There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
