just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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