Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
