I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
