Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
