return my video game
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
