She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
