I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
