your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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