the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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