someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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