Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
