plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
false alarm, still single
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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