He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I touched a dick in church today
Randomize
