A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
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