Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
