Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
this just has baby written all over it
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
