things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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