Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
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I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
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It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Randomize