just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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