her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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