he wants to bone in the snuggie
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
