And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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