My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
