I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
