sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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