i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
