Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
