Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
