it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
