the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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