So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
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I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
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Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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