just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
