drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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