I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
