You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
