also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
