I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
