I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
