you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
