are you still at the devil's house?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
