Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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