I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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