My Higher Power is John Stamos
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm sobbing to NWA
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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