I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
