I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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