That's intense
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
