Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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