im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you told grandpa to call you daddy
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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