You really coming over, don't trick.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
