So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
