Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Randomize
