Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Randomize
