i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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