Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
