allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
